Early November 1949
As I was idly leaving the Con for lunch, I noticed G. sitting on the bench in the foyer. On impulse I went up to him, solely for the fun of it, but hidden in the back was arousing his thought to sex. I went up to him and put a leg on each side of his which were stretched out before him, and begin to tussle though actually he responded naturally before I started. We didn’t say anything, nor did he look up at me, but we both had grins on our faces. The act could have been performed quite completely innocent from a sex motive, but since it was G. that was the object it was not…When I thought of this in my room, I also realized the power of H., of Nick…, (I hesitate to use them in the same breath) and some of the idiosyncrasies of Bob…. In fact, I understood a lot of things for the first time. A lot that I’ve tried to understand about H. but couldn’t, mainly because I was under his power.