Feb 14 1952
I had a concert hall this morning and did very poorly and would not have liked to play for an audience as I did then, so that I was unhappy. I went into the harpsichord room where Nick was practicing, and, as was usual, except that I hadn’t done it for a long time, stood for a moment, then haunched down behind him holding him by the legs and pressing my face into his back and caressing. It was indeed a pleasure to go to after the anxiousness and despair of the morning. We soon went into the men’s room and when he ‘came’ I left, though I hadn’t, for I hate to give it up and feel empty afterward unless it was worth it, and is not so easy to do.
Sin is that which harms you. But to repress the sin instead of entering into it is not virtuous. So enter it. Then thus there are times when sin does not harm and it is not sin.