June 19 Saturday 2p 1948
To be in Oberlin on Tuesday for appointment at 1:30 p. I know I’m not going to be able to polish the Mozart sonata off to perfection. My fingers must be relaxed; they’re not strong enough to do it in a nervous condition which I know I’ll be in. The letter said I’d be taking an hour-long Music Aptitude Test.
To get there we’ll have to take an all night trip on Monday night. And I know I’ll feel miserable after a night in a bus.
I stopped over at H.’s on Friday, more to see if F. was there rather than E.. F. wasn’t there but E. was. He was going to wash the car when I came. He came downstairs to let me in. M. was in the kitchen and his mother upstairs. He didn’t have a shirt on, just khaki trousers. We went and sat on the couch, I sat on one end, he at the other. I picked up a magazine, and we talked as I skimmed through the pages. He got impatient I guess and got up and went upstairs to get his shirt and make a phone call. He came back and sat down, not at the end of the couch, but in the middle. I still skimmed. I was determined this time to make him pull the first move. Soon his mother came down and said he better go out and wash the car. I went out with him. Fortunately, he couldn’t find the chamois. He’d go down and look in the garage and then into the cellar of the house through an outside door, hoping and expecting me to follow. I didn’t. He’d keep coming out, but not wanting to say anything—we never talk about it or ask or mention anything about it before hand, and little during and after, but just get in handy positions, intimidating positions—he’d grumble unnecessarily that he couldn’t find it, and wonder where it was, in the way that one will say anything, just talk, in order to get someone else interested and conscious of what they’re doing.
When he was in the cellar for the second time and had been in the garage once, then I went down in the garage looking like I was just wasting time looking around. One of the garage doors was closed closing off half the garage. I stood in that part. I saw a program of a cow show. I took it and opened it as if I was reading, like we always do to try to get the other to look at it too, thus getting close, and since the one had the book in his two hands the other would have the chance to make the advances unnoticed by the reader. I don’t know why it is but we always try to make the first move unnoticed by the other until the advancement has begun. The moment it has begun, the reader drops his material and cooperates, though sometimes E. will keep on reading and will not reciprocate for a moment or so. I heard him come out of the cellar and he still hadn’t found it, so came down to the garage again—he might as well look again. He didn’t pay any attention to me at first until I asked him what he had the program for. He came over to examine it. He didn’t do anything though. He left and went back to the cellar. I too left the garage, but stood around the yard a moment before I went into the cellar. As I did he was coming out of the wash room. As he had heard me he turned around to go back in. I just saw him turning back into the room. I went in. He stood there invitingly, standing still and as if thinking of where the chamois was. I looked around for it instead of going to him. He walked out. Right by the door to the washroom stand shelves with paints and things and he stood and looked over the shelves. I followed him out and stopped behind him at the shelves, very close behind. We stood there not wanting to move, waiting for the other. He bent over to look at the lower shelves and shoved his ass in my crotch. I pushed into him and he held firm but still no hands. There were windows on the side we were on and none on the other side, thus it was pitch dark. Still impatient he went over to the dark side where there was still another room to be looked in. He opened the door, turned the light on inside, looked around, and remained in the doorway.
On the pretext of looking in I had to lean against him. He turned the light out. I moved away. He moved too, and stopped so I was behind him, again thinking the situation over, supposedly. I stopped behind him. Refusing to wait any longer he took my hips and pulled me tighter against his ass. I grabbed his thighs and pulled too. Then I turned him around and we grabbed each other’s buttocks and pulled together with our legs interlaced so one was in each other’s crotch. Not wanting to remain silent too long we separated. He went back into the washroom and we pulled together again. Then we went outside again and he washed the car. He got dressed. In the course of the afternoon I’d mentioned that mother was having bridge club. When he was dressed he asked for a ride into town. We rode in but not right to my house. He asked me where I was going. I didn’t answer. He knew damn well, I thought. I asked him where he wanted to go. He fumbled for an answer. It was a lie. He said he’d get off at my house when I offered to take him where he said he wanted to go. As I pulled up, he saw the cars in front and realized that the party was at our house and that mother was not away. That’s why he’d asked where I was going, why wasn’t I going home if mother was away as he thought. I didn’t turn the motor off. We decided for the Club but we rode right through it when we got there. I went on country roads but he still didn’t do anything. I couldn’t; I was driving. I could have used one hand but I wasn’t going to be first. After quite a while he grabbed my leg and advanced further and arrived. We were still driving but by now didn’t know where we were. But we came out on a road that was right by his garage on their new property. So we went there. It was fast, too fast to get anything out of it. I took him to the Club and dropped him and I went home.
That morning I went to the steel again but this time they said that since I wore glasses they only had a limited amount of jobs for me, but they’d let me know if anything popped up.
That night there was the dance at the D.A.R. I went with Allan D., and Siebecher. It was a swell party. About the third dance I went downstairs for something to drink. F., Bruce, and Ann K. were down, too. Kenny and I don’t get along well, she still likes making a fool out of me. I get awfully defensive around her and lose my confidence and get sarcastic about her being ‘fast’. She kept asking me to play the piano and I didn’t want to. I got so tired of listening to her I just stood and looked at her, and drank my root beer a little too fast to be relaxed. She doesn’t really want to hear me play, just gets a kick out of playing with me. When I went back upstairs there was a novelty dance going on and a girl asked me to dance. She said that they’d been looking for me at the beginning of the dance. They wanted the tallest and ‘best looking’ boy—she must have ad libbed there—and the shortest girl to dance to start it off. I kept hearing about it the rest of the evening but minus the “best looking” of course.
At the end I asked Bob L. if he could take Kathleen and I out with him, he was with D.S.. He said Ann K. had asked them to go up to her house. She was with F. and Bruce. He asked Ann if it was all right if we come. She said, “yes” and asked me personally herself. I asked Kathleen if she could do it; she didn’t know. After the last dance she said Jack C. could give her a ride home which I couldn’t do, if, when she called her mother at Kenny’s she couldn’t stay there. After many complications Jack followed us up to Kenny’s, Kathleen called, and couldn’t stay. She left with Jack. Dorsey and Bob wanted me to stay with them. We left Kenny’s soon and went up to Allentown at a bar and had a drink. I found Dorsey very interesting and more beautiful than I’d before bothered to notice.