Aug 9, 1948
Last night before we started to eat our own dinner Lee, the B.’s son, about 24 years old, came in. He stayed for dinner. There were only us four, Marion, Gene, me and Lee. Lee was going out fishing. At first I said I didn’t want to go but I decided I might as well. So after dinner Lee and I went down to the lake. I wasn’t staying for the dining room dinner to be over because there were only two. We went out to the left going along the shore. I rode, he fished. We kept on around the bend and proceeded along the opposite shore from where we got and went three-quarters up that side. It was a warm perfect night; the water was calm. I remarked it would be a neat time to swim. That was the last I mentioned it, but he said he only had one suit at the club, that we could go in bare-ass if the people weren’t around. There were two boats out fishing up at this far end of the lake we were approaching. They were remaining stationary, not like us. He seemed to be thinking about it a little cause he said a little later he had thought of bringing up another suit up, but decided against it, and so forth. When we reached the far bend, that we could pull in here and go in. I was getting worried, fearing that I might get a rail on, but actually knew I wouldn’t because I never had before in school swimming class or at the club. We rowed in, went into an old deserted broken down cottage amongst the trees, undressed and went to the lake with our shorts and shoes on. Those boats were too far away to see anything except that two people were swimming. We took our shoes and shorts off and I noticed his glances but didn’t bother about them. We glided out and I swam out. He lapped a bit. We went out, treaded water a moment or two and went in a little ways to where we could stand. He found a big rock to stand on, but I still treaded. I asked him if he was standing. “Yes.” He asked me. “No.” He said, “Come over here and stand.” I ignored him for I was satisfied treading where I was. Meanwhile he had mentioned, “The way you swim you could do this whole lake easy.” [bragging] When he repeated it after I moved a little and still wasn’t standing I decided to go over to him. I was only about two yards away from him. The thought hadn’t occurred to me of the chance of standing close together on the same rock, and his even inviting it. Only his invitation still didn’t give me any idea that he might want me for other reasons than just for a place to stand. When I got there we just stood shaking for by now we were getting cold. Then I was caught unexpectedly when I felt his hand pull my prick and let it go with a remark “I see red.” I didn’t want to do the same and say, “I see purple.” I really wanted to, but in sex when one wants to he’s afraid to. I was thinking I didn’t want to “copycat.” Even though I was surprised at his action I just took it as playful and nothing serious, but he did it again. This time he noticed a slight increase in size. I’d timidly grabbed his and let go. I was getting large. His remained natural but I wasn’t conscious of my enlargement except from his remark of “Jesus, what a wang,” repeated and repeated. He was frankly amazed at its size. It came on unknowingly by me cause I was thinking of the situation and the implications, not me. And I couldn’t have prevented my excitement either. By this time we were acting more freely now that the ice was broken. I could feel a slight change in his but only slight. It was cold so we swam back, got out; he grabbed his trunks and shoes and ran back. I did too but I was slow and stumbling, shaking like a leaf and without my glasses. When I arrived we proceeded to dry ourselves but not without an occasional grab at each other. He did more grabbing, probably because I had more compunction about admitting my homosexuality than he did, for he wasn’t. He asked (often stating that my wang was as big as ones he had seen in motion pictures of intercourse that he thought were huge) if I’d “ever had it in a woman.”
“No, have you?” “Yes, over in Germany in the army.” He’d had a German girl he went with every night. There were some in America, too. In one of the pauses our drying or playful actions turned into ones of holding on and going up and down. He said, “We’ll save that for tonight.” We finished dressing, went back. He didn’t apparently tell his mom or dad, for she didn’t say anything to me like they, she especially, always do here about anything. Gene went up to bed. We three stayed down. Lee went up a few minutes later. Marian was out of the room and he said, casually, implying, “See you later.” Then Marion went up. I remained and read.
Later Lee came down in pajamas and said “I’ll show you those pictures when you come up.” I had thought we’d do it downstairs. But later I realized what he wanted was not just the sexual organ to get to, but to have the whole naked contact which proved he’s not a homo. It doesn’t matter which sex, it’s just the sex action not the sex organs. With this I decided not to waste time so went right up. He came in and showed me his hunting pictures (he’d mentioned them when we were out on the lake). That took us about 15 minutes. We were both on the bed, our legs intertwined facing each other, looking at the pictures between us. When we finished he laid them on the floor and turned the light out and we continued from there. It took time to get assurance for each more dirty act. But after it was over we’d sucked each other, French kissed, (the first time with a man and never before so violently); he wasn’t repulsive like the old man. He didn’t speak more than fifteen words and we spent about 45 minutes at it. I could tell he’d done it before with a man by the way he went about it. I must go to bed; I can’t finish, up at 5:30. It’s now 9:30.